Is It My Turn?

Why is it that when your life sucks, it seems like everyone else is having a great time? Why is it when your life is going great and you just want to share the goodness with everyone, it seems like their lives are going down the toilet?

I want to tell my friends how excited I am about my new job to be and about the stupid thing my cool co-worker did. I want to talk about how much I miss him being there and how I can't wait to see him soon. I want to talk about my vacation and about how he is going away again. I want to tell them how my life is going great but I can't because they just lost their jobs, they are having relationship issues. They just don't want to talk right now and I understand because I have been there and done that already.

So I sit and wait and my stories never get told. I do the right thing. I listen and be supportive, wishing that someone supported me.

Nothing to Wear

I'm hot, I'm tired, and I'm bothered. I have four more days before I head to the Bahamas and I still have nothing to wear to my brothers wedding. Every store(that is in my price range) has similar dresses, none of which I like. Many of the dresses are similar to dresses that I own already. I want something different. This is my first beach wedding and I was instructed to look fabulous.
Its so hard to be fabulous and broke. Well... I'm not really broke so I guess I should say fabulous and cheep. I really don't want to pay more than $100 for a dress. I mean, I'm not getting married. I just bought my plane ticket, clothes, shoes, I'll have to pay for food, and not to mention the hotel. This does not even include a gift and I have not even done my hair.
GOSH! Would they spend this much money on me? Sometimes I wonder. Anyhow, I just checked the weather report and it says thunderstorms for the next 10 days. The last place I want to be is on the beach in the rain. Well, I hope God holds the rain up for a day. I'm sure this trip will end up marvelous and I will look as fabulous as ever...like usual.

And for those of you who have not seen me lately, here is a picture to remind you of what you are missing.

Ike Turner

Ike turner died today and all I could think about was the line "Eat the cake, Anna Mae"

Ike Turner, What's Love Got To Do With It


“A lot of people believe that the movie is the true story, that Tina did. I don't wanna debate on Ike & Tina, but I have to say this one thing... That movie was the biggest lie, and even Tina said that it's a lie. And she don't like the movie. But she started put gas on the fire by supporting it.”

-Ike Turner

Time to Myself.

This is the first week in my life when i can say that i have actually been home alone. 7 days of being all by myself. Its actually not as bad as I expected it to be. On day one, I found myself with all of the TVs on and the radio on just to hear noise. It was getting so quiet in my house. I swear i could hear my next door neighbors music playing.
I was so productive on Monday. I cooked, cleaned out the car, and cleaned the house. I even watched BET and caught up on all the videos that i have never seen (you know the owns that i am embarrassed to admit that i actually like).


***Side Bar***
I am watching the World Series and the Red Socks are kicking ass. This is incredible. Its only the top of the second and the score is already 1 to 4 Red Sox.
*******

Yeah, so anyway, like I was saying before I digressed, I watched all these new videos, I saw the BET 2007 awards show because it was rerunning, I watch Greys Anatomy on abc.com and I even caught up on Girlfriends on the CW. I had a very productive day.

I've also been reading this book called Middlesex by Jeffrey Eugenides. I saw it at Borders. When i read the back i got really interested to read more. Its about a "person" who was born intersexed but it was not discovered until she was 14 years old. Her grandparents are also brother and sister. How incestuous is that? I couldn't imagine even thinking of my brother in that way. *YUCK*

Some how this book interested me because i just wanted to educate myself on the sinful ways of this earth. LOL. If you have some time. I would recommend you read this book.

Anyhow. I need to focus all my attention to the RedSox. I must go. My week alone is actually going smoothly and its moving faster than i expected. Being alone is still nothing that i would like to get used to.

HOLA!

Twentysomethings Four Minute Dating Party

What do you think about 4 minute dating parties? I keep getting these invitations but I still can’t see myself attending one of these events. I’m new to this city and I would like to meet young professionals but, is this the route that I want to take? I don’t know!
My curiosity wants me to attend just one event so that I can have a first hand experience. I need someone to go with me… who is down? If it turns out to be an unsuccessful experience, we will erase it from out memories, act like it never happened. Just like the events in the movie Men in Black. Let me know!

My To Do List

Here is my to do list for the next few months.......


1) Take the Gmat
2) Get into a great MBA program
3) Buy a car
4) Pay off my credit card bills
4.5) Get my body right! Loose 15 lbs. Develop some abs!
5) Maybe become serious with a guy
6) Ok, maybe not serious but settle for only one guy.
7)Get a new job
8) Buy a house
9) Become more social
10)Vacation every year
11) State Hop... Road trip.. Like back then
12) Live life, go crazy
13) Skinny dip, sky dive
14) Learn to swim
15) Be a big kid on the weekend and a grown up during the week.
16) Have fun. Work hard, play harder.

17) Buy more clothes, get new glasses, buy more shoes
18) Let others see God through me. (yup, i always have to through that in there)
19) Make my own movie
20) Live healthy, Die HAPPY!

Reclaiming my SEXY

I think its time for me to get serious about working out and eating healthy again. I can’t say that I eat very unhealthy, but I do eat my unhealthy snacks from time to time. I’ve been looking at my body and my one pack is gone.
One pack…you laugh!
Yes, I had only one pack, but that is more than many people have. I’m going to work out 3 times a week. I’m not in college anymore I can’t work out everyday. Working out my abs was so important. Once I stopped doing them I really see the difference. I’m not trying to be skinny, just healthy. I don’t want to see any rolls, flab, cellulite, and I am tired of my thighs rubbing together.
I am 5’9. 165 lbs and I wear a size 10. I want to drop down just a little bit so that I can feel comfortable in my shorts.
I know I can do it. I’ve done it before.
I’m reclaiming my sexy size 8 with my sexy one pack. Maybe this time I’ll get two.
God didn’t give me that “perfect body” because he knew I would be on someone’s calendar and walking the streets half naked. He wants better for me!

Weekend

Man, I am so tired right now. I didn't do much this weekend but i guess i did enough for my eyes to be blurry. The past week was very event full for me: work every day and happy hour twice. I even made it to church on sabbath morning and did my hair while watching the Yankees loose.

I bet my co worker that the Yankees were going to bet the orioles on Saturday and of course, they disappointed me. Tomorrow morning i am going to have to listen to his rants and raves on why the Yankees suck. (I'll be tuning him out the whole time.) To make matters even worse, the mets lost to the nationals. How terrible is that? They should be ashamed to loose to that clubhouse. The Nat's are the worst team in the nation.

My co worker gets lunch on me tomorrow. I learned my lesson. I'm going to stop betting for a little bit. Not until my confidence level in NY ball cubs increases. I don't have money to waste on other people when i can be wasting it on myself.

At least both teams won today. Good job! Just a little too late.

Who's that girl?

I am that girl.
The one I tried so hard not to be. The girl that I heard about and wondered… “Why is she was so stupid?” “Why would she get into that situation? “That’s what she gets because she allowed him to get away with that bull shit.”
I am that girl.
At the drop of the dime I found myself involved in short spurts of espionage. I was trying to figure out what he was doing when I should have been doing more important things. At the time that was the most important thing. I can’t focus on anything else. I try to work but I’m getting nothing done.
Damn, I’m that girl.
I never used to be like this. I need to turn back the hands of time. You know, back to those day when I didn’t give a shit. The days when none of you were important and I just focused on myself.
The day I was that girl but I did not know it.

Cant trust a friend

Can’t trust a friend
Can’t trust a friend
Can’t trust a friend, thought that she was my homie
I remember back way in the day
We used to share most anything (we did)
We were so close, inseperable
The secrets we shared, nobody knew
why would she do this to me (i don't know)
Suposed to be my friend, not enemy(She played you out like that)

Can’t trust a friend
Thought that she was my homie
Never think that she would betray me
She’s the one who’s got me in this mess
Goes to show you can’t trust a friend
Thought that she was my homie
Never think that she would betray me
Goes to show you can’t trust a friend

Late night talkin on the phone
She made me feel so comfortable
Pretending all the time that I was safe
But thats was a part of the scheme she played
Supossed to be my friend, not enemy
Goes to show you can’t trust a friend

The Way I Are

I ain't got no money
I ain't got no car to take you on a date
I can't even buy you flowers
But together we could be the perfect soul mates
Talk to me girl

Baby if you strip, you can get a tip
'Cause I like you just the way you are
(I'm about to strip and I want it quick
Can you handle me the way I are?)
I don't need the G's or the car keys
Boy I like you just the way you are
Let me see ya strip, you can get a tip
'Cause I like, I like, I like...

Have you ever really listened to the words of the foolishness that we jam to everyday in our cars? I was so embarrassed when I saw the video and actually listened to the words of a few songs that I had on heavy rotation. If you have seen the video for a song called Ah Bay Bay then you know what I mean. I should have known better. I was surprised for some odd reason when I saw this young ghetto looking kid in a long white tee on the train tracks with beads in his hair. Now I still don't know his name, but that song played so much on the radio that I actually started to like it.

There is this other stupid song that I love, "wipe me down' by Young Boosie. When i drive through my neighborhood or when i am on the train, I make sure i turn down my music because i am so embarrassed. I guess we are all just desensitized. Americans... some would say... are so stupid.

When did it become so cool to speak incorrect English?

My December

I must say that Kelly Clarkson has another hit album on her hands. She was the best choice to win American Idol during her season. She turned out to be a huge success. I always liked her but I didn’t think that I would like her this much. AOL has her new album on the free listening party session this week. My December has been playing since 9 am this morning. I keep playing it over and over because it is that good.

I will have to download it when it comes out (from Itunes of course). For the past few weeks I had Maroon 5 on heavy rotation. I think Kelly may take their place.

Favorite tracks:
Sober
Judas
Haunted
Be Still – I love the tranquil feeling that this song bestows upon me.
Never Again – I hated this song when I first heard it.

So go pick up a copy this week or download it from Itunes.

Classic

This is one of those videos that are even more funny when you are engaged in illegal activities. (So they say). And to think that this guy really is not Jamaican. LOL

Life is what you make it.

As I sit on the National Mall during my lunch break, I am reminded of God’s creations. “Let There Be Light”. The sun is beaming down on my but I enjoy it. As I sit here soaking up the sun, I watch as the beautiful people exercise. Topless men and woman in their sports bras! Hey… Its 95 degrees!
Across from me is a yellow school bus, complete with school children visiting the capitol. They are so happy to be outdoors rather than being inside doing school work. I feel the same way. Sometimes it is nice to come outside and enjoy the scenery.
Working in DC opens up many windows for me. It’s not like NYC. Actually it’s quite different. I can see myself being very successful in this place but I can’t see myself here forever. I miss the youthfulness and the diversity of NYC. Life is what you make it. I just have to make it down here.

Its been a long time. I should not have left you...

It’s been a long time since I last blogged. That’s life. Blogging was the last thing on my mind. I was boggled down with many other stresses. Any how, I am back now. Lets get back to work.

Worry

Some times I worry about things and I don't know why but being unemployed for 2 and a half months is really beginning to eat away at me. I know that I could be worst off, and that there are many people who are worst off than I am, but it still hurts to know that after doing to college and doing well you still can not live up to your own expectations.

I know that God has a plan for me. I don't know what it is, or when its going to come into effect. I don't know what else I can do to make myself more marketable to these employers. I go to recruitment activities, career fairs and expose. I have these interviews and second interviews but I always get the email or the letter in the mail that states that I wasn't chosen. The think is that I am a recent college grad. I worked for 6 months and got laid off along with 749 other people. In business terms, I still don't have any work experience. That's why I cant get hired. They want someone with 2-5 years of experience because nobody wants to spend money to train workers anymore. How do they expect us to get experience when we cant find a job?

I even tried the gradschool route, but guess what? Its recommended that you work for 2 years so that you are sure of the MBA program that you want to be in. Now isn't that some BS. Either route I take leaves me looking for a job, and looking for a good job is a full time job in itself. I don't want to become to worried, but how can I not? I grew up disadvantaged and when I got the opportunity I ran with it, but bad things happen to good people sometimes. I don't want my cycle to be reversed. I wont allow it. What else can I do but pray, hope and try to keep my head above water as I look for a job every day?

Yes I Am Better than You

I have 2 more days to get ready for my cruise and i am not packed and my hair is not done. Like most black women who plan to be in the water all day for about a week would, i decided to put braids in my hair to escape the nappy hassle of trying to do my hair everyday.

I left work and i went to 125 to get my hair braided. Everyone knows that you get off the train in harlem and the africans recruit you to get your hair braided. I already knew what style i wanted i just had to explain it to them and let them get to work. But thats where the problem started.

These Africans come into this country looking for a better life. Or at least that is what i thought. They own these hair braiding shops or is owned by someone they know, but they don't take any care of their work place. I went from hair dresser to hair dresser looking to see where i was going to get my hair done. Most of these stores in harlem were so disgusting that i didnt even want to go into the shop. When i say disgusting i mean, there were soooo many roaches crawling up and down the walls and there was just so much hair and food on the floor. The place was a disgrace. I didnt want to even step foot into such a nasty place. For one thing, i am allergic to roaches and for another, i had on my good work clothes. I didnt want anything of mine to get messed up in those places.
One lady thought that i was very rude because i didnt want to sit down. But really, there was no way i was sitting in that dirty seat. I didnt even want to touch the hair book because it was sticky. All i wanted to do was get out of there. Its not that i think that i am better than anybody, but i am. I know better and i want better for myself. I dont settle for less. There is no reason why anyone should be subjected to work in such an unsanitary place and if i am paying $100 to get my hair done and i am going to be sitting there for 4-5 hrs, i at least want to be comfortable. I dont want to get on the train when i am done and then see a roach crawling out of my bag. i would be sooo angry.

My One Pack is on the Way!
Look really closely. maybe even close one eye. I think it looks damn good so far. Don't hate. How many of you all can say that you kept your new years resolution of going to the gym and actually gettin rock hard abs... ok well maybe not rock hard but they arent soft.

Look into my Eyes

....Tell Me What You See

Can you see how much I enjoy living with my mom, but sometime I just don't understand her logic. Can you tell me why she thinks that AC can make you sick? Is it because she is old fashioned? Can you tell me why she likes to lay on the floor under the window and wait for a breeze instead of turning on the fan? Is it because the fan only blows hot air? I thought that hot air was better than no air at all. I could be wrong.

Can you see how much I love my job but wish it wasn't so far away? But I am not even going to blog about my job because I don't want to be one of those people in the newspaper under the title "blogger ousted". That's not my style. I like my money. Checks come in real handy if you know what I mean.

Can you see how the pigs are just riding the train to get air condition cause its too hot outside? I have real issues with the pigs. Where were they on the 22nd when they were supposed to start random checks. How come they weren't in the train station when I caught the train. Isn't the mta spending all this money on over time for them to keep us safe? Where is the mta getting all this money from. I thought our country is in a big deficit. How come we always have millions of dollars to spend? Are they thinking about raising the fairs again? I cant afford more than $2 a trip.

Can you see how I am trying to be more like you and less like them but I keep running into my bad habits? I'm trying to be a better person. Can you see how it sucks to be seen as that kid that did so well and moved on to bigger and better. They always expect more and put more pressure on me because I was that kid. Little did they know... LOL, that kid had other plans.
I am even trying to read more. I didn't have time for the negro books in college. I was too busy trying to be better than the white man. I only took 1 africana studies class. How else was I gonna become a successful business woman. Now that I am back with my people I need to know what's really good, na'mean. I have to play catchup cause I missed out.